Poetry: A Result of a Bad Day

So when I'm stressed, angry, upset or just down, I often write. A couple of months ago I decided to turn my difficult day into poetry. Although I think the result was slightly creepy (in a way), I kind of like it.
So here it is, one of the poems I created out of a very insecure and bad mood.

The dispair is gripping, powerful,

It exceeds all rage or anger

Happiness is only a distant dream

An idea set in the mind to taunt and tease

Unable to breathe through the tightness

A struggle to simply exist

A complete wonder

An absolute and strange ability

To hide and stay hidden

No one knows or notices

Or maybe they just don’t care

How could they

How could they care for the dead

For that’s what it’s like

Being dead,

Only still managing a breath

A single rasping, choaked, imposible breath

A slight imitation of living. 

Bullying

This is a subject that I'm very passionate about. The main reason I feel so strongly about this topic is because I've been the target of bullying. Unfortunately, and I'm not proud to say it, I have also been the bully. There's no excuse for bullying, even low self esteem. I learnt this through means that most don't. I managed to identify my own actions and link them to the cause. Although I wasn't the one actively doing the bullying, I supported the bully. I'm fully aware that sometimes supporting the bully is worse than bullying itself, and can be classed as such.

I know that there's been a lot of talk about bullying in the media recently. Bullying statistics are increasing, and so are the effects of it. People may say that racism, sexism and homophobia are decreasing in our communities, but many aren't seeing these effects. Homophobic bullying has led to many children either despising who they are, or committing suicide. Bullying cuts deep, which ever way you look at it.

I've seen the many, nasty forms it comes in. It doesn't matter the tactics that are being used, the results are all the same. The victim will forever know what it's like to know that torment, they'll forever be fighting not to let that affect them again.

One of the few ways to get through bullying is to have a good support system. But no matter how much teachers and support people tell you to tell someone, or ignore it, that's usually easier said than done. Teachers themselves have been known to be the problem. They see a child that they don't know how to deal with and label them as a trouble maker. I must stress that most teachers in good schools don't do this. However, it is prevalent in small schools. I've been to both a big school and a small school. The differences are vast and very noticeable.

Although bullying can make you stronger, for a lot of people it doesn't have that effect. Eating disorders and self harm can be linked to childhood bullying. Being different isn't a crime, it's everyones right. We're entitled to be unique, to express ourselves how we wish. It's a civil responsibility to protect the wounded, and the minority. Life's an experience for all of us, no one has the right to ruin another persons journey.

Unfortunately, some forms of bullying are not identified or understood. Favouritism by parents is as bad as bullying.
Either way you swing it, bullying is horrid, and although lots is being done, not enough is getting through. I may be just one person, but I beg every one of you who reads this to stop and think. Be honest with yourself. Have you done enough to stop bullying? Could you do more?
Please, I'm not asking for a miracle, all I want is to maybe help one person, and inspire someone to do the same. If we all do one small thing, it'll snowball, maybe we'll see the change we need.

Two of the anti-bullying organizations which I whole heartedly support are; Wipeout Homophobia On Facebook (W.H.O.F) and the Anti-Bullying Coalition (ABC). Their both on Facebook, and I really believe in the work they do. The links to both are bellow.


http://www.facebook.com/WHOF1

http://www.facebook.com/AntiBullyingCoalition

Uni Application

A couple of days ago I heard back about my application of a Bachelor in Midwifery. The email pretty much said that, though they thanked me for applying, they could not accept me.

Now I've just got nursing as a back up. I've also gone through the process of applying to two more universities which offer nursing courses, just in case.

I just thought I should give a quick update on what was happening with this as I know I've written about my applications before. 

The Game

So I have no idea how popular 'The Game' is anywhere other than where I live. Almost anyone in my age group knows what the game is and plays it with dedication, although that's very difficult to do.

The object of the game is not to think about it, as soon as you do, you loose. How I've been taught to play it is that, after you loose it, you get a thirty minute grace period before it starts again. You're forever trying to forget about the game, and often that is what makes you loose it. Another rule is that if you loose it you have to announce it to the world. With a large group of people playing it's difficult not to loose.

Anything could make you think about the game, whether it be music, movies, TV or other people, once you start playing you pretty well can't avoid it anymore.

So I guess I just made a whole lot of people loose, and I lost myself... time to start over. 

Guy Fawks 2011

Guy Fawkes this year was one of the best I've seen during my time. Many members of my family came together for a night which we will all remember for a while to come.

My guy Fawkes began with a lot of hard work. It started with the beginnings of landscaping. Lugging buckets of compost and pumas up and down a hill while my parents dug holes and planted tree seedlings. It may sound simple but it was harder than I'd expected it to be.

 
 

After All the hard work was done the festivities could begin. We had a massive bonfire and more fireworks than I could count. Overall, even including the hard work, the day was one of the best I'd had in a long while.

 

That Time Again

So, once again its time for me to study for and sit exams. After doing this for so many years running its kind of become routine for me at this time of year. However, this year is slightly different to all those other times. This year I also have something else to think about... getting into Uni.

About a week ago I got a notification telling me that my application is being processed. This afternoon I got an email from the HOD of the midwifery department at AUT to say I needed to book a time for an interview, so this I have done. There is one problem that I could encounter while trying to get into this course... one of the requirements is to have a full New Zealand license. I don't even have my learners yet.

I could have probably seen this coming as midwives do travel a lot in the line of duty, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed that they'll consider my application even with that small snag. I have also applied to study nursing as well, for a back up plan. So even if I don't get into the course this year, I'll apply again and eventually they'll have to let me in.

Anyway, I've got one more internal assessment (assignment), eight more school days, then study leave. So I've actually really only got just over a week left of high school... ever. It's kind of a daunting prospect. Again I'm faced with the fact that I'm stepping into the unfamiliar, but I'm excited.

The way that the New Zealand education system works means that I need to get a certain amount of credits to pass the year. Its sort of like getting points for passing assignments and tests. Although not every test gives me these credits I've still managed to work up a reasonable amount. I do also need a certain amount of credits to get into university. This rides almost entirely on my end of years. It was simply not possible to get enough throughout the year not to rely on them.

I'm fully aware that thousands of other New Zealand teenagers are going through situations very similar to my own at the moment. I want to wish everyone good luck, and I hope you get the results desired. I'd say it to everyone anywhere else in the world, but I don't know how many countries schedule the school year around the calender like New Zealand does. But I'll say good luck for when it applies anyway.

Two Simple Words

So I've been thinking lately. Recently my life has changed so much and I've been put in many stressful situations, forcing me to lean on those I trust and care about.

I wanted to take this opportunity to thank every single person who has been there for me... whether in a big way or small. I'm fully aware that there are people out there who don't even realise how much support they gave me. I'm also very aware that some people continue to give me support without question. It's two simple words but I needed to say them.

For anyone who listened, read, cared or even just gave me the time, I wanted to extend a heartfelt thank you. I'm sure people will read this and see me as odd but I hope to let people know that I'd like to repay the favour. If there's anyone out there who just needs a thought, know I'll be there, with a helping hand, if wanted or asked for.

For anyone I've lost contact with, anyone I've ever cared about, you'll be welcome in my home and life if you're intent is good.

I don't want to sound like some sort of sop, but I'm sure I do. However I appear, I'm almost certain it needed to be said.

Elven Mystics

Time for another extract of my writing.

The following piece is actually from the second book of a series. It's one of the first story-lines that I actually wrote, which makes it not quite as good as it could be. Simply because I've developed better writing skills since doing this. I hope you enjoy it.

This is from the perspective of the one of main characters, Keaten. The character, Elensa, is Keatens' partner who he thought had been killed thirteen years earlier.

A knock at my door was the last thing I needed but was what I got. I opened my door to Magenta, and behind her the woman. Neither of them had changed since I last seen them.

“Keaten we need to talk.” Magenta said and the woman behind her looked up at me like something inside her heart was broken. I nodded slowly and moved aside for them to come in. Both women wore the same dress. It was a grey-blue satin that moved around them like liquid and only just touched the floor as they walked.

I offered them a seat and sat down in the seat opposite to them. The woman looked at the floor and Magenta steered at me harshly.

“Why did you turn her away last time Keaten?” Magenta asked and I opened my mouth but no sound came out.

“I think it’s obvious why he turned me away Magenta.” The woman said and I looked at her. She did look so much like Elensa. She looked up and our eyes met. “How can you not see me?” she whispered and silent tears rolled down her cheeks.

The front door opened and Phoenix called from the hallway. He paused in the doorway of the lounge as soon as he saw the women across from me. I never lifted my eyes from the woman and she never broke my eye contact.

“What are you doing here?” Phoenix hissed and I turned to him. His face was thin with rage. The woman turned to him and I watched as the colour drained from her face and her face became afraid.

“I’m trying to make amends.” She whispered and flinched at the look he gave her.

“Phoenix, what’s going on?” I asked and he turned to me.

“She’s trying to get back into your life after abandoning you.” He said harshly, motioning towards her.

“I NEVER abandoned him, I had no choice.” She said getting to her feet, now she looked pissed as well.

“The moment you chose to join them,” He said motioning to Magenta “was the moment you abandoned him.”

“I never chose this. I would never have wanted to be away from him, and my daughters, for so long. Never!” She yelled back at him, angry tears seeping from her eyes.

“Wait a moment,” I said and she turned to me while I looked at Phoenix, “you knew that she was alive and you let me believe that I had lost her forever?”

“This is not their fight Phoenix. This is between your people, my sister and I. Do not punish them for Jeans and my mistakes.” Magenta said calmly.

Thanks so much to those who took the time to read this. I would really like to ask that you leave your thoughts on this below. Thanks again. 

His Legacy Shall Live

Steve Jobs. There's not really much I could say about such an amazing man.
I hope that wherever he is now that he's happy, he deserves it.
His legacy shall live on with every ground-breaking item that Apple releases to the world.

The Fluid Of Life

Ending up with a fairly substantial bruise on my arm was the result of my generous act for the month.
Giving blood is something that many people are skeptical of, for understandable reasons. Who wants to have a needle stuck in their arm for twenty minutes with no apparent reward?

Everyday I see advertising for people to give blood, and with so many restrictions on who can give blood I'm not surprised they never have enough. To be honest I'm not sure I fully thought it through before I did it last week. I was sure I'd be helping someone, but I failed to realise until I actually got really close to the event, that needles would be involved. I know that logically they'd have to use needles, but my conscious mind and logic didn't quite meet up on that day. However, I am glad they didn't because it allowed me to doubt my decision less.

So many people find themselves in positions where they need blood transfusions. Although some people choose not to receive transfusions, no matter their reasons, the majority take them willingly and thankfully. Giving blood saves lives. It really is as simple as that. For a little inconvenience, and on my part discomfort, another human being gets to keep their life for a little while longer. I really am a huge advocate for blood donation. Those who are able to do it, really should. It's just another way to help the community.

It does also give an incentive when a number of countries will pay you to to donate that fluid of life.